who ordered the thought treadmill?

i guess all these silly little things that keep us up at night do a dang good job.

i mean, you think about the he said/she saids, not to mention the lack of those. then you got these late nights up doing homework, and the projects that you put off that's do tomorrow; and all this happens more often than not for most. and it just becomes expected.

then you have those thoughts that just cut away at you through the night, bringing up blood (ideas) that have never seen before. and it's just all so much. and when it's over something positive, that's the best. like when you and her (or him) are "talking," and you know soon that it will be more than talking soon. and you just can't wait. or tomorrow you have a gig where ever, and you just keep going over your set list in your head over and over. those are the best thoughts to keep you up.

but when it's this crap. this horrible, awful, relentless hope that it's not true. that none of it's true at all, that's the worst. and you can't stop thinking about it, no matter how hard you try. your entire brain is just taken up by specific words that just run and run and run like they are on a treadmill: they are preforming the motions of movement, but they aren't going anywhere at all. it's just never ending.

this is my evening tonight. and no matter how loud i play the music, no matter how much i sing every song, no matter how much i look at her beautiful face, no matter how much i call them and talk and laugh and try to forget, it doesn't leave. it won't ever leave.

and then you say, "wow, i will never be who i was again."



in other news, the new death cab for cutie CD is a bit of a disappointment. it's good, but not as good as i hoped. and the majority of songs are really just mediocre. i still recommend buying it though.

-alex.