infinity.

silence, complete and absolute silence, it's the most beautiful thing i have ever experienced. but, this is not to be confused with quietness, because that is far different. i have heard nothing, but thought everything all at the same time. and there's just this ringing that you hear that makes you aware that it's too quiet for comfort, and you must make some noise. so you turn in your bed a few times, clear your throat, something to make the air around you move. something to make you think about anything else but the previous night, anything but the long walk, anything but her, right?

but this was different. this is where i heard everything and nothing, all at once. the crickets, all of them, they were all so loud. and every car that passed 2 streets away in everything direction, they were right there, and i knew them. every time a dog barked, i could feel it. and everything in my head washed away: them, and him, and her and i, and me. and all i could think about was the nothing that i heard. it completely captured me. and the coolness of the 1am air was just drenching me. and the warmth of being alone and being ok with it took me by surprise. and the memories of every other night that i was out at this time, and how much i had changed, and how much everything had changed, amazed me. and the fact that i realized i'm a huge hypocrite, and not trying to argue myself out of it, but just accepting it, was just relieving.

but most of all, it was how bright the moon was. it was that anyone else could be looking at it right now, and thinking everything i was, that's what made me feel so content and full.

"and in that moment, i swear we were infinite."